Don’t let menopause hinder a healthy sex life. We demystify orgasms by telling you how to overcome a midlife orgasm drought.

By the time women reach premenopausal or menopausal age, we can safely say we feel confident in our ability to navigate life; by the time we reach 45-60, the chances are we know a thing or two. With age comes experience and wisdom – or at least a better understanding of ourselves, our bodies, our likes and dislikes.

Understanding that 45-60 is a woman’s golden knowledge era, you might be surprised to learn that more than a third of peri-menopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal women have sexual difficulties, either from lack of interest in sex to trouble reaching an orgasm or no orgasm at all.

Imagine a man of the same age (or any age, come to that) whose orgasms were failing him; he would waste no time seeking relief – so why do women accept this state of play? The answer is psychology compounded by years of neglect, years of society deciding our needs are less important than men and young people (thank you, mass media).

By understanding that perimenopause and menopause are passing phases in our fertility cycle, we can stop thinking menopause is a problem to ‘put up with’ and do something positive about the change. Sex during menopause can be exciting, satisfying, and, frankly, excellent if you change your approach.

Before menopause was fashionable, medical professionals quickly told us our symptoms were all in the mind, and we should accept ‘the change’ – well, the only thing true about that statement that is relevant today is that it is all in the mind, and change can be positive. Before we launch into the good news, let’s recap some basic biology.

Menopause Factors That Affect Your Orgasms

Your hormones are at fault; you can blame oestrogen. Oestrogen takes a nosedive during perimenopause, and while it doesn’t fall off a cliff overnight, it fades during the peri phase, and by the time you reach full-on menopause, your stocks are depleted.

Lack of oestrogen can impact your overall well-being, including your sexual function. Significant oestrogen loss can lower desire, making it harder to become aroused. Physically, your vagina can lose elasticity; you may experience dryness, making intercourse painful.

Oestrogen, or lack of it, is a huge factor, but it’s only part of the story. Hormonal change doesn’t stop at oestrogen; you lose progesterone and testosterone. Progesterone, usually thought of as a pregnancy hormone, does more than support new life; lack of progesterone impacts the quality of your sleep and, in turn, your moods while taking a sledgehammer to your libido and damaging your bone health.

If that wasn’t enough, the testosterone we produce naturally stops. Low testosterone levels mean less pleasurable sex, affecting the ability to get aroused and diminishing our chance of orgasm, hindering our libido and affecting our mental health. At the same time, the lack of sex becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that hangs over the bedpost like a spectre.

 

So now you have a complete picture, it’s easier to understand why, during the peri and menopause stage, you can feel all out of sorts (to say the least. With less oestrogen (impacts well-being and sexual function), progesterone (affects your sleep, moods and libido), then testosterone (less pleasurable sex), it’s not surprising your orgasms are nonexistent. Your sexual confidence has hit rock bottom.

 

Orgasms – It’s Not Me, It’s You

We promised some good news, and here it is – you’re not the problem; it’s your hormones. Although we are advocates, this blog is not an ad for HRT (hormone replacement therapy). We get that not every woman wants to take HRT, and while some women (and doctors) still believe HRT has an increased link to breast cancer, advocates of HRT, Davina Macall and Mariella Frostrup, think differently.

Read our article called Menopause Unveiled: Dispelling Misconceptions, Getting Relief, and Breaking Taboos. We discuss the different kinds of HRT and get down and dirty with the facts and myths surrounding peri-menopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal sexual health.

Orgasm Anatomy

A woman’s body is as sensitive to arousal as a man’s, but like other avenues of a menopausal woman’s life, our sexual responses may need more time, care and attention to get on track. Most women agree arousal starts in the brain, and only after you’re mentally stimulated can genitalia (clitoris, vagina, or cervix) stimulation produce an orgasm.

Several studies suggest that sexual desire and arousal begin in the subcortical structures of the brain – the hypothalamus, ansa lenticularis and pallidum. Progressing to the temporal lobes that control genital sensation and the mechanics of sexual response (blood flow to the genitals, swelling of the clitoris and labia minora or inner lips).

The parietal and frontal lobes must continue to be stimulated to sustain sexual activity until orgasm. So, when we say ‘it’s all in the mind’, we are not exaggerating.

How to Achieve a Menopausal Orgasm

Having regular orgasms during menopause is possible; it’s a bit like riding a bike. Once you know how to do it, your body (muscle memory) never forgets, no matter how long it’s been between partners.

In fact, the best place to start is on your own; you don’t need a partner to orgasm, and masturbation is the best thing for a menopausal woman who wants to re-engage with her sexual self. If you haven’t masturbated for a while, invest in some personal lubricant and take a moment.

Personal lubricant is a must and a gateway to more enjoyable sex. Lube helps ease dryness and friction and is excellent for direct clitoral stimulation and achieving orgasm through touching alone. Once you know you can orgasm and understand the mechanics of your body; you can then quickly move on to other forms of sexual activity or not – it’s entirely up to you.

Confidence is Key to a Healthy Mid Sex Life

However, sexual confidence is not a lottery; but you have to be in it to win it. In real terms, you must be open to suggestions and ready to say yes to sexual adventure. The more sex you have, the more sex you want, resulting in prolific and better quality orgasms.

While this might sound easier said than done, think of it as positive self-talk or suggestive manifestation; the more you say nice things to yourself, the easier it is to believe. The same is true for sexual happiness – treat it like one of your five a day and keep it regular.

When you embrace your mid-life sexual self, you radiate happiness, positivity and openness to new things, which must be a win. The benefits of greater sexual confidence travel further than your sexy drawers.